How strong are you?

Waking up in the morning, I always ask myself… “Okay, how strong are you?”

It is amazing looking back to when this journey began and to see how much I have survived.  I say “survived” because I might not have succeeded in every obstacle life has thrown at me but I have SURVIVED them.  I am stronger person because of everything that has happened in it!

Everyone has issues in their life… some dealing with a single event and some that seem to be an everyday affair.  As a parent feelings of security, freedom, and even accomplishment are few and far between.  I have three beautiful, strong sons… I can not imagine not having all three in my life.  With all children there is always a feeling of doubt about how you raise, provide for, or even how to protect them from the world.  A child with special needs can produce so many feeling of inadequacy, and always feeling unprepared.  I really don’t remember a day when I didn’t feel like everything I did just wasn’t good enough.  God gifted this child into my hands and I know that he must have had faith in me.  Now I just have to have faith in myself.

As parents there are so many aspects to life that it is hard to know what the right path will be.  You have to be a friend, a referee, a therapist, a spiritual adviser, a teacher, a medic, a comedian, and an all around repair specialist! But the most important thing to remember is that you are responsible for this life that God has gifted to you! (even if sometimes you wish you could give them back) It is the choices you make that will hopefully produce a well adjusted adult!

Being a parent of an unchallenged child is hard… and being a parent of a challenged child is very hard and extremely unnerving… If only there were manuals to show us the path of parenting.  A booklet to help us to be prepared for all our child needs and wants instead of feeling like we are always guessing. I believe that if God did hand out manuals the first sentence would read “DON’T EXPECT TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!” Every child and every situation is different.

I have three children, the older two are unchallenged… Not to say that they haven’t been challenging… but their childhood is what you come to expect a  normal childhood would be.  My youngest son is challenged, he was born different that we were expecting.  Our lives changed the moment he took his first breath. Nothing about his childhood has been what you would call usual or easy! He faces challenges everyday and will for the rest of his life.  Which means our life will be filled with challenges as well.  As his parent I try and anticipate his needs and try to give him a life filled with love, structure, discipline, support, and fun! The rules changed a little when he came along.  You still have to provide the basic needs and the traditional teachings but the end results might have to change.  I still expect him to go to school, be respectful, love his family, and grow into a responsible adult.  Except I also realize that I will need to give a little more support, more patience… and protection! I have learned that I must be a fighter, a fighter for him and all that his life stands for! Everyday I see how the world sees him… and so does he! My job is to show him that I have his back! I want him to know whatever his choice in life happens to be that I will always support and celebrate him! His future might not look easy, but it is not impossible!

When I was little I didn’t imagine my life the way it has turned out… but I also wouldn’t change the fact that I have a special needs child.  Even though everyday some new aspect of this life makes me want to ask God “WHY ME?” I couldn’t imagine my life without those big , brown eyes looking at me.  Everyday the gifts outweigh the challenges.

Now when I wake up in the morning I never know what to expect from my day, from my child, or from the world! But what I do know is that I am a parent of a special needs child! I am not perfect! I do not have all the answers! All I can do is love and support him… and make sure he knows I will never stop!